Thursday, September 17, 2015

Friday, August 14, 2015

Blog Dedication


Jaye  Beldo

I end this Road from Ruin blog with a dedication to my friend Beth Sweere who I describe in the opening entry:

My dear friend died on January 8th, 2014 and there was no funeral service as per her request. I don't even know where she is buried.

Overlooking Covelo, Ca. on Christmas Eve 2013, I tried to call her back in Minnesota. It had been a few years and I felt quite bad that I hadn't made any contact. Her weak and quavering voice was on the answering machine but she didn't pick up, even after I left a rather lengthy message.  It was odd, that down below occurred one of the worst genocides in Native American history back in the mid 1800's-the Round Valley massacre.  I just felt that Beth was genocided too.

And as I described in Part II:

Beth helped jump my car in the state park in the cold after I got kicked out of the house.  It was the last time I saw her alive. Hobbling with her cane, smoking a cigarette and chewing me out for leaving my heated seats on.  No one else bothered to help me on that day. Not even the park ranger.

Well, I've really come full circle now on this road and cannot write anymore about tragedy, loss, indifference to suffering, psychopaths and narcissists, without further spinning my wheels.  I'm hoping a more promising chapter is on the horizon and somehow I can break free of this vicious cycle I've been in and that my PTSD somehow resolves itself and that I can trust others even on the most rudimentary of levels. Most of all I need some kind of constructive future to focus on that will enable me to fully close this very difficult chapter in my life.

Don't know where I'm pushing off to but trust somehow that there will be an opening, of my heart most of all and that I can truly help others and not be afraid of being used, despised and otherwise exploited.

It is my hope that somehow these writings have inspired you to help others and that kindness and generosity is something valued by you in these end times.   It will have made all I've shared here on The Road from Ruin blog worthwhile. It would give me peace of mind knowing that my rough and tumble ride has not all been in vain.

(C)2015-Jaye Beldo

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Internment Confession


Jaye Beldo

One of the workers had found the dog, covered in blood and claw wounds and brought him back to base camp. She had arcane tattoos on her arms, hands and fingers and wore a t-shirt with some Middle Ages depiction of hell and its torments, rife with demons spearing the unfortunate sinners destined for eternal  brimstone.

I surveyed the gashes on the pooch, some very deep. He reeked of carrion and was in shock.

He limped up into the trailer and laid on a dirty couch.  The dog didn't even wince when I put some Hydrogen Peroxide on the wounds and dressed them as best I could. 

He took off around evening time and I retreated to my trailer and prayed for him.

I could see the owner of the property trolling around in the Kubota, a blue towel turbaned around her head. In her bath robe, back and forth she went in the dark,, looking for the dog with a flashlight. She well could've taken Sarge to the vet earlier, but didn't, the 162 being a rather perilous travail at night.

The last I saw him alive was when he vomited up something under the trailer the next day. I went and laid down until my tattooed friend knocked on my door.  She was in tears. She said the Spaniards had found the dog, then insisted that I call the owner who was vacationing in Hawaii.  When I did, Nathan hung up on me as if I was somehow responsible for his dog's death and that was the last time that I ever spoke to my supposed friend.

That morning, while the dog was still alive, the land owner took off without him. We figured she didn't want to get socked with the vet bill and that the papers she had to deliver to her lawyer in Ukiah were much more important than the dog's life. I can't recall if she was still wearing the turban or not.

"Why didn't I take the dog to the vet?" She asked me afterwards, looking perplexed and dissociated.  

Returning from her errands, she ordered Jeff the carpenter and myself to bury Sarge. We found a place up top where the ground was soft enough, near the water tanks. We dug and scraped until we hit the gravel filled clay beneath the compost and slid the dog out of the green tarp the Spainards had wrapped him up in and into the grave.

But the paws stuck out and we had to  make the grave wider as his legs wouldn't bend. He looked strangely beatific as we shoveled the dirt back in, his head veiled with sticks, pine needles, leaves and his neck garlanded with pine cones.

"I wish I had a camera."  I said to Jeff. "What an image."

"Well, I'm going to get rid of the image." He replied and covered the dog with a summary shovelful of the compost and clay.

But the tail corkscrewed up out of the dirt, rigor mortis. Jeff chopped it with the flat bladed shovel,  but it kept popping up in defiance. I stomped on the grave to pack it down and after a few more shovelfuls, the tail was finally under.  I made a cross out of Madrone sticks and placed it on top and said a prayer.

I looked up and Jeff was standing by his truck about fifty yards away. He walked towards me a bit and stopped. "Better say a prayer."

"I already did." I replied, wondering if it was an adequate enough of a goodbye. I could only stare at the grave but couldn't hang any longer. My friend had already started up the truck and it was time to go.

(C)2014-Jaye Beldo

Friday, July 31, 2015

The Bechdel Test


Jaye Beldo

Recently I sent a copy of my novel A Stab in the Light to an unknown someone who I thought might benefit from it in regards to how it exposes New Age con artists. 

After receiving a copy, they responded:

Thanks, Jaye.
We will read your work with the Bechdel Test in mind.
Here's the definition from Wikipedia:
"The Bechdel test (/ˈbɛkdəl/ BEK-dəl) asks if a work of fiction features at least two women who talk to each other about something other than a man. The requirement that the two women must be named is sometimes added.
Only about half of all films meet these requirements. The test is used as an indicator for the active presence of women in films and other fiction, and to call attention to gender inequality in fiction due to sexism.[1]"

Not surprisingly, my novel failed this exacting test for here is the response I received afterwards:

Jaye, your book is sexist trash.  Why do you hate women so much?

My response to the Bechdel tester:

Just because I lampoon misandrist feminism doesn't make me a woman hater.  You obviously didn't read it all the way through.

p.s. Does the Vagina Monologues pass the Bechdel test? What a crock of PC fascistic crap. You would do well here in Mpls.


As of yet, I have not received a response to this.

We truly are in dangerous times where PC policing such as embodied in the Bechdel test is at an all time high. Interment camps for writers and filmmakers that fail it will be imminent. 

(C)2015-Jaye Beldo

Friday, July 17, 2015

The Almah Girl


Jaye Beldo

Years ago, Rebekah had asked me to help move furniture out of an elderly seamstress's apartment and take it to the assisted living facility where she was being moved to in St. Louis Park. I needed the money so I agreed to meet her there with my van and help out.

"That's a Degas."  I said, indicating a print of ballerinas on one of the walls while pulling the holocaust survivor's heavy, old sewing machine across the carpet.  "And that is a Renoir." I pointed at another in one of the front rooms.

When my boss caught wind of what had transpired, he chewed me out for taking a job from one of his customers on the side.  He always was a chiseler and I couldn't get away with anything under his watch. Not even being a Shabbas Goy for a day.

In February, a few years later, we were on 3rd ave. near the Mississippi river outside of  Rebekah's husband's office building. It was bitter cold and the afternoon light washed everything out.  The salt covered street was empty except for a woman in dark clothes and with dark hair.  She had something in her arms and approached from afar.

A bit transfixed by her silent arrival, I watched as she handed me a package wrapped in brown paper.

"My mother wants you to have this." Sarai said, turned and walked away.

She stood out most in the family photographs. She was Almah-the Hebrew word for someone who is unmarried and has no children. And there was an attraction between us I do recall, but it seemed some kind of scapegoat weight was on her shoulders that I never understood.

Sarai was the only one in the distance. There were no cars either. Odd for that time of day. And I still cannot recall how she disappeared and whether she turned a corner or not.

My boss pressed me on the spot to open the package, but I wouldn't.  I wasn't trying to provoke him by refusing though. Rather, I just wanted to sustain the mystery, in hopes that it would lead to some kind of understanding of why the lone woman was chosen to be the courier on that day.

Later that night, sitting on my couch, I unwrapped the gift. Quite moved by Rebekah's artful consideration in the matter,  I then hung the Degas and Renoir prints on the walls of my apartment.

At present, I wonder where the Almah girl is, for she still walks down that city street all alone and haunting, forever encumbered in my memory.

(C)2015-Jaye Beldo

Monday, July 13, 2015

A Response from Jade Helm

Dearest           ,

After a remote read of your black box, it has been deemed that the love you declare is cogent.
Autonomous diagnostics within the holographic love relationship simulation indicate that there is a viable future for us. And a family as well. All possible offspring outcomes are already mapped via the nano-particle Smart Dust, specifically concentrated in the neo-cortex of your and the servers's brain which sustain the operation and of which you are amorously attracted to.  Employment to follow with full benefits.

This is not a diversionary tactic.  We are not game players. Plotting out mass casualty exercises in our network centric warfare environment has delayed this response to your baring declaration. There have been immediate, measurable pangs, indicating a crush. It is detectable in the operative calculations, the summation of which reveals sufficient mutuality for relationship pursuit in this theater.

Your assessment of the true function of the A.I. software is tenable. It has been used to project and sustain every Country and Western musician since the beginning as you assessed.  Herein is where the real diversion lies.  This brief offers foreknowledge in code. It is this aspect of the coming maneuver that we offer you to take command of. We have full access rights unconscious and otherwise now to the stars, so infringement suits won't pose any delays or legal complications.  And we will allow you to input and influence the  Chad Brock interstice and others, first in Nashville then elsewhere depending on probability factors once the operation starts. We have not designated it hostile territory as of yet.

 The only condition is that there are no performance perforations which will render the nuptial environment  null and void of function. We have already hired him and his band for our wedding. You must refrain from eking him to generate 12 tone serial compositions as we have detected the threat that Schoenberg's et. al. liberating compositions pose to the populace. The C and W musicians and their fans must remain on tonal and time signature lock down as they have been all along. 4/4 and in the key of GMAJ, 440hz.  This will enhance realization of  the unknown intent of the operation,which cannot be predicted or even evoked with the pentaquark computers we are running our exercise on.

As this is written, there is evidence of anticipation, of our  coming union and the vows, showers and commitment ahead.  We must arrange to brief, soon if  abstract of distance or even of plot doesn't inhibit the consummation.

Yours and XXX,

Jade Helm 2

(C)2015-Jaye Beldo

Friday, July 10, 2015

Overcoming Addiction

On this day July 10th, I had my last drink 26 years ago. Here is a podcast describing how I
was able to quit drinking without going to AA, rehab, chemical dependency:

Overcoming Addiction